There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
