not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
