just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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