tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
