what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
