Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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