I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
