Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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