You really coming over, don't trick.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
