I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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