Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
