And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
