I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
