So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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