This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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