Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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