he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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