I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
