I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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