True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
