Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
