Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
