Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
