She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
