At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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