I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
