i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
