just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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