ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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