R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
