i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
