You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
