I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
