the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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