I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
