I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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