who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
