I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
how drunk are you?
Several
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
