legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
