party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
