This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
