I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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