i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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