there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
