summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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