we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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