Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
nutella sex= disaster
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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