there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
