I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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