How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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